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batreaux:

you walk over to the chamber of secrets and whisper “i have a crush on my cousin”. the basilisk comes over to you and says “you totally misinterpreted the use of this chamber and also you’re pretty fuckin gross”

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

Source: batreaux
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camo-zamboni:

camo-zamboni:

camo-zamboni:

My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?

I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”

Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay

STOP REBLOGGING THIS HE HAS A TUMBLR

(via fabulous-cabbage)

Source: camo--zamboni
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thatfuckingcrowv2:

orlandobloomers:

instead of sending me nudes you can send me 

  • pics of you smiling with ur fave stuffed animal
  • pics of you smiling with ur mom 
  • pics of plants
  • pics of ur dog
  • pics of silly lookin bugs that u find 

send me the nudes while this geek eats a flower

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

Source: orlandobloomers
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davethebarbarian:

if you use my colored pencils you better put them back in rainbow order

(via happiest)

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sexhaver:

nosdrinker:

if you’re reading this i love you and i believe in you

this just in: ryan nosdrinker hates the illiterate and the blind

(via asian)

Source: nosdrinker
Chat
  • me: I should go shower now
  • (five minutes later)
  • (another five minutes later)
  • (yet another five minutes later)
  • (more five minute intervals)
  • someone: (goes into the bathroom)
  • me: wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower
Source: brakes